Sitting still
The silence is comforting
I feel cradled
Like I’m inside of a cocoon

Everything is out of focus
Any noise coming into my awareness is muffled
I sense immense light all around me
And I feel safe

The stillness gives me space
Between thoughts
Between living cells
Of Miraculous life
Between breaths

In and out
In and out

Slowly
Gently

Space
Just enough for me to let go
Of my physical self
So that I can return to
love
connection
Oneness

Sometimes the stillness
Takes me to a different place
An almost suffocating place
Of loneliness
Of fear
Of uncertainty
Inside my mind

The stillness leaves space
This time, a vacuum
And my thoughts become
Too loud
Battling themselves as
They try to take control
Of my mind

I hear my stories
Echoing
Looping
Judging

The tapes are
Playing over and over
Trying to convince me
That this time
This time
I’ve made a mistake

My heart responds in opposition
But it’s voice is too quiet for me to hear
Over the loud thoughts

My heart tries to reassure me
That I’ve just given a gift
That needed to be given
Giving away what I have received

It says
Didn’t that feel right? Just now?
The giving?
The returning of love?
The returning TO love?

I think of
Abundance
You have to give
To receive
And receive
While you are giving

When the silence
Becomes too loud
Thankfully
There is awareness

I recognize the tapes
And I know they aren’t true
But it feels impossible to hit pause

And then I remember something

About silence,
Stillness
and thoughts

Equanimity

Letting go of
Aversion
And clinging
Both of those lead to suffering

Letting go of the valence
Of my thoughts
Is difficult

I’d like to assign them
In one direction or another
And hang on
Maybe for dear life
In an endless loop
Playing over and over again

But If I remember
I can choose differently

I picture a crisp red leaf
A maple leaf
Surrendering to the unknown
As it frees itself from its life long resting place
A tree, nearly bare
The red leaf
Free falls slowly toward the ground below

It gets picked up by the wind
Mid air
First funneling into a dance with other leaves
All colors—yellow, red, orange, even green
Until something catches it off guard
And it exits the dance
Blown to the surface of a stream
Where the current continues its journey

I watch my thought, a leaf
Going either this way or that
Just floating away
Down the stream
Sometimes slowly
Sometimes spinning contently in the current
Other times hurrying and rushing
Along on its path

But my thought never comes back to me
Never returning upstream
Always away
The way thoughts are meant to flow
Gently Away
Without clinging
Without aversion
But just being witnessed without judgment
Equanimity

If I remember
To let go
To Surrender
To Let things flow
And not fight against the current
I find a state of Grace
I choose again

Then the stillness and silence return to me
Again the cocoon
And I feel wrapped in love

I remember
Who I am
And forget to be afraid
And instead trust
That I’m on my journey
Where there are no mistakes

The stillness returns
leaving me just enough space
In between
My thoughts
My breaths

In and out
In and out

Slowly
gently

And I remember again
What is real

I am whole
I am free
I am loved

My heart knows the truth.
Sitting still in silence
I can hear it now.